Subtlety is not one of the attributes Lady Gaga holds close to her heart. And when you wear sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes and get naked in your videos to dispel penis-related rumors, you need headphones to match you “personality”. The duchess herself explains these freakazoids thusly:
“In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion. Heartbeats embody the trinity of my human-being…”
So why they look like a girly version of a Nintendo Wii wrist-strap is anyone’s guess.
MX W1 – Sennheiser
You’re looking at the first commercially available wireless earbuds that don’t need to be wired together. Yep, for only $600 they’re perfectly happy transmitting your music without a cord. Except for the one that connects the sizeable base unit to your media player. Sure they look exceptionally awkward. Sure they’re big enough that they require a clamp to stay in your head. Sure current technology makes the cost laughably high. But that’s the price you’ll have to pay if you want to walk around looking like you’re wearing not one, but two Bluetooth headsets. Turbo-douchiness requires sacrifice.
Pills – Elecom
Buta Earphone – Greenhouse
In case you were deeply concerned, that “natural feel” does in fact refer to the pig. Rest assured, for $11 plus import fees, you can look like an extremely long pig (that mimics the texture of live hog flesh) was jammed into your head. Seems complicated, we know, but that’s why they explain it right there on the packaging. Aside from looking like a jackass, the other serious downfall is that these little piggies simply don’t have the decibels to drown out the parade of comedians you’ll encounter making the same “pigheaded” jokes all day long.
VONIA EZ-4200P – Thanko
There have been some attempts at using bone conduction technology by the tech industry. Theoretically, it could be cool to have your music transmitted directly to your brain through your bones, bypassing the actually “hearing” part all together. But when you decide to make them look like worn out versions of the dollar store headphones from your grade school tech lab, you might have problems with market penetration. With no indication of their deeper purpose for those around you, you’ll simply look like you’ve somehow made it through life without understanding the function of earholes.
Crazy Earphones – Solid Alliance
A two-for one deal! Pictured above are series one and series two of the ‘craziest’ earphones Solid Alliance could dream up. Can you believe this insanity? They’re headphones… with objects on them! What are those objects doing there? They’re just there! Madness! So why pay for cheap, poor quality headphones when you can express yourself with… crudely sculpted, slightly more expensive, poor quality headphones!
ZM-RS6F+M 6-Channel Surround Sound– Zalman
Many quality headphones and earbuds produce virtual surround sound, mimicking the ability of a full speaker set to provide three dimensional sound… to varying degrees of success. Zalman looked at their customer base and decided they deserved better. They also decided that their customers had horribly misshapen heads. These headphones provide true surround sound, in that, you have a whole speaker system strapped to your cranium. Luckily, they only work with your computer or entertainment system (no mp3 players), preventing you from the heckling and neck damage you’d receive from walking around with these bricks strapped to your head.
Diamond Studded Apple Earphones
With the success of the iPod, iPhone, and other iCrap, the trademark white earbuds have become a status symbol. But since any schmuck with $40 can buy them, they’re pretty much everywhere. This puts the “rich and stupid” segment of the population (or as they’re known to marketers of high end bullshit: “uber-patsies”) in something of a bind. How will they look trendy while proving they’re better than you? Why, by buying 14k white gold and diamond studded versions of your pitiful headphones! For a mere $3499.00, you can have low quality sound and a look that screams “bedazzled 1980’s jean jacket”.
Ultimate Ears
We’ll come out and say it. Yes, at $1150.00, they are hugely expensive. Yes, they look like robotic jellyfish that you don’t want to stick anywhere near an orifice. However, they are very high end, produce a great sound and get their terrifying appearance from being custom-fit to your head. Still, we’ve played too many games of Metroid to take that kind of chance. Moving along.
PlayBrick EHP-CIN40 – Elecom
It takes a truly insane person to market something like this. First, to make a product you could create yourself in ten minutes with twenty-five cents worth of glue, LEGO bricks and a cheap pair of generic headphones. Second, to charge $44.00 plus import fees for that product. And lastly, but most importantly; to take something popular for the limitless creativity associated with it and turn it into something purely decorative and boring.
Cat Ears – Thanko
refrence : http://www.weirdworm.com
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